May 14, 2013

death

I've posted one of these before. But here's another. An account of what it is like to be dead (and obviously brought back to life).
Nothing. I don't even remember being dead, I can't quite describe it because you are not aware of anything that is going on. I'll tell you though, it's a scary feeling to come back to the real world...back to "reality"...whatever it may be. It's frightening really: the realization, especially at the young age it had happened, that the only thing on the other side is darkness. At minimum you can call this darkness peace though, because as I've said you're not aware of anything, you don't know you've been dead until you come back. It is nothing you can imagine because your imagination is ceased, it is dissolved, it is nothing. 
You are simply here now and who you are now, and there is no point in spending your entire life trying to please people and be happy at the expense of others. It gives you insight into the fact that the awareness you've got now is the only time that you will have sentience. Death is like the brief moment between beginning to black out and blacking out....you cease everything...you do not recall a thing in that time period. Your mind has left you, your body has left, everything has left you and you do not know about this...or care necessarily because you're not there to exercise control over your thoughts and imagination. Just nothing. No awareness at all. 
I entered the dark, the void, the infinite abyss - I crossed to the other side and it gave me no stories to bring back with me to the light. I hope that what I experienced was just a brief period of what could have developed into something where a sentient entity developed, but I highly doubt that. I'm cursed to be ground in reality for the rest of my life, the reality that I'm alive now and I think now, and I am now. I am only here now, I am on the the side of the living, and I must enjoy my thoughts, my world, my time now. Now is the only time to enjoy anything, otherwise you there is nothing...just darkness...just no you.

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