May 28, 2013

he wears short shorts

Can we talk fashion a second? Specifically shorts. Men's shorts. Can someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on with men's shorts? Each year they seem to get longer and longer and baggier and baggier. To the point where they aren't even shorts anymore. We are dangerously trending towards Zubaz territory (holy shit people are still buying those things?).

Your average men's store or men's section in a store is stocked to the gills with these things. To the point where there are no choices anymore. Apart from long, super long, and pants-shorts. And almost no shorts come without a cornucopia of additional pockets. What the fuck are men storing in these?

And this has been going on for a while. A decade perhaps? I've been resisting this for a decade. And it's not easy because no one sells short shorts. I mean literally no one. This is me shopping for shorts in most stores.

There's this one company with the funny name Chubbies that sells short shorts. Although they are a good length they are a little too waist-bandy for me. "Fashion forward" generic retail brands are still pumping out dreck. This is J. Crew's "short" short below. Great. You got rid of the additional pockets and baggy cut but that thing is still way to long. My only source for normal sized shorts for the last decade has been the lowest common denominator stores. Places like Sears, Kmart, etc. seem to still stock these in the back for what I assume is old guy customers who just won't change their ways. And by "old guys who won't change their ways", I mean me.

The two on the left below are what I used to remember shorts being. 9" is about the shortest you can buy these days with 11" being far more popular. In my head, only 5" is acceptable. Sure you need to have some kind of quad development to pull this off but not much. And therein lies the reason I think shorts are insanely long. To hide men's chicken legs and also to mask the pot belly that is the American male. Because a pot belly over the top of these shorter shorts for some will effectively hide the fact that you have shorts on in the first place. 

So. Fashion designers. Can we be done with this? Can we move on? Please.

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