you have such lovely cats

Possibly the best intro to a New Yorker article I've ever read (by John Hodgman):

Look, I never want to tell stories about my children, because it always seems a little lazy. Children tend to be sort of dumb, and, in the end, the stories are always the same: children say hilarious things, and I'm old and dying. So when I tell you these stories about my children let's just pretend they are about my cats.